Do you have mixed feelings about your New Year’s Resolution?

Maybe you have made a New Year’s Resolution, and maybe you want it to be a realistic one…

I say maybe, because it’s not necessarily clear that when we resolve to make a major positive change in our lives that we realistically want it!

Then why would we make a resolution? Well, of course, there is social pressure (mixed with guilt), driven now even more strongly by social media. But more fundamentally there is what is called “Present Moment Bias” – this means that we are usually more motivated by what makes us feel good right now, than by what might make us feel even better in what seems like the rather distant future. (Paradoxically, this is the same bias that drives our food excesses and lazy habits at Christmas time). Making a resolution to improve our eating habits or to start on an exercise regime can give us a warm glow of satisfaction, but that doesn’t mean that we will realistically be able to access much motivation to stick to the necessary lifestyle changes as the weeks go by…

A key point to grasp if our resolutions are really serious (and they may well be, given the potential health implications of habits like diet, exercise, sleep etc) is this:

Whatever you resolve to change in your life is something that by definition you are ambivalent about. In other words, something you have mixed feelings and conflicting motivations about. After all, if we just want to do something, we do it, we don’t have to make a resolution. And if we simply don’t want to do something at all, where would the motivation come from to even make the resolution? We make New Year’s resolutions about things we want to do but also don’t want to do. There is nothing strange about this split – it is a mistake to think that our minds/brains are a unit, and that we have to explain when they aren’t. In fact, our mind is an evolved collection of drives, needs, desires, motivations, feelings, loyalties, beliefs, many of which are in conflict with each other. Our decisions are frequently some kind of compromise. For instance, when we make our resolutions, a part of us that wants to be healthier (and also needs to be seen to want to be healthier) is in conflict with a part of ourselves that doesn’t like looking at changes/commitments that require hard work. In the “heat” of New Year the first part wins out (but doesn’t really have to pay much price yet). On a cold, dark, wet evening in late January the second part may very likely win out and keep us sitting on the warm sofa, in front of the TV, eating crisps…

Unless we are realistic about this ambivalence from the start, we have very little chance of getting far with our change-focused resolutions, but we are reluctant to look at this ambivalence when we are making the resolution because it seems to spoil the fun…

However, it is a very wise policy, as has been well explored by Motivational Interviewing, a therapeutic approach to making difficult changes, originally created to work with addictions.

(See for example https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/therapy-types/motivational-interviewing)

One thing that is emphasised in this approach is appropriate Preparation, which includes giving due thought and consideration to the inevitable ambivalence we are dealing with. A useful way to approach this is to do a four-part written exploration, as pictured below. As well as considering the obvious, i.e. the advantages of changing to a new behaviour (e.g. a healthier diet) and the disadvantages of continuing our current habits (e.g. weight gain), we are also invited the raise our conscious awareness of the other side of our ambivalence, i.e. the advantages of continuing our current habits (it’s easier, comforting, etc) and the disadvantages of changing to a new behaviour (it’s hard work, etc). This provides us with a clearer picture of our most realistic positive motivations for change. Often the motivations we think we “should” have (like improved health) are not actually the strongest, but instead something like social approval might more realistically motivate us over the long haul. This exercise also draws our attention to the likely pitfalls and demotivators we will face – making a plan as to how we will deal with these is one of the strongest contributors to successful change.

(There’s another version available at

https://motivationalinterviewing.org/sites/default/files/decisionalbalance.pdf).

Why not give it a go? Because it’s hard work, maybe? Becoming aware of our ambivalence is not necessarily comfortable – I know I certainly have mixed feelings about ambivalence! But then, how serious are you about your New Year’s Resolution? If you are very serious, then giving it a fresh start, with this kind of reflection behind it, might be just what you need in order to make this year’s resolution different from previous ones…